WHY I HATE GOD'S CALL ON MY LIFE

This is a post I've written in response to a bunch of nonsense between Christians about whether or not the Bible has errors in it.

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Who Gives a Rip if the Bible is True or False?

 “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?

 ~ Jesus of Nazareth

 

YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO DO WHAT IT SAYS ANYWAY

 

I knew as a little queer boy of 18 what God was going to call me to do.  I kept telling God, "You don't understand, I'm gay, I don't know how not to be gay, and even if I could no one would ever let a homosexual, current or former, be a leader in a church."  I'm not kidding, I actually said this to God, time and time again.  I said this, for the last time, right before I threw God out of my life and started calling myself an agnostic.   I wasn't an agnostic, not when I start calling myself one, but I did eventually become very comfortable with being an agnostic, and later calling myself an atheist.   Whatever reason I may have had for becoming an agnostic, within a couple of years I was truly an atheist.  Of course at the time I was kicking God out of my life I'd never heard of a gay church, and if I had I still had enough integrity not to make God something he wasn't.  I didn't want God forcing me into something I didn't want to do, and I sure wasn't going to do it to him.

  

My thinking about God has changed radically, needless to say.  Still, I feel the same way, about ministry, as I did when I was 18. Only now it's 30 years later.   I don't want to do the ministry work God has called me to do.  It would be fine if God would call me to hookers, crack addicts, skid row drunks, mentally imbalanced homeless people who see little men stabbing them with knives (true story, by the way).   ANYTHING ELSE, ANY OTHER MINISTRY!! other than what God has called me to do.   Hookers hate me because they hate being used by men.  They hate me especially because I'm a "preacher man" and they think all I want to do is tell them what terrible people they are, to make "brownie points" with God.  I can live with that.  I can live with the kind of honest hate hookers, crackheads, and hardcore drunks throw my way.  What I absolutely can't stand is ministering to and leading Christians.  Christians smile to your face and say "God bless you", and then malign, gossip, and plunge daggers into your back whenever it's turned.  

I was 8 or 9 years-old when the pastor, of the Methodist Church I was raised in, was destroyed by "progressive" thinkers in the congregation.  That pastor wasn't moved out of our church by the Bishop, he requested an immediate transfer out of my church.  I watched my mother cry and cry, because the most wonderful pastor she'd ever been under had been maliciously slandered by a little group of aggressive liberals (I didn't realize it then, but those progressive "christians" pretty much liberal proofed me.  I did go through a short phase as a liberal, during my gay college years, but it was doomed by the stupid progressives in my first church).  What I always found interesting is that after the theologically conservative pastor was run off this little group of liberals all left shortly after him.  We never knew what became of them.  Our former pastor went on to teach at a seminary, author some books, and pastor other congregations elsewhere.   Evidently, he never ran into the kind of problems he'd found at our Methodist Church, or maybe not as bad.  That isn't really the heart of my problem with God's call on my life, but abuse is something I've seen a lot of in my life.  I've seen Christians abuse clergy, and I've seen clergy abuse the laity.   The heart of my problem is the personal abuse I suffered in my own life.  It was a very unique sort of abuse, kind of a perfect storm of abuse. 

 

My dad wasn't a good parent, he was negligent.   But he didn't stop there, he went from negligent to criminally negligent.  I'll get to that shortly, but first a little set up before revealing the grand betrayal.   My maternal grandfather died about 7 months before I was born.  My maternal grandmother died when I was 3-years-old.   My uncle was over 20 years younger than my mom and her sisters.  Mom and all of her sisters were married and gone by the time their little brother was born.  My grandfather was a huge man. Granddad had been an all star football player, in college, (at a time when football players wore only a thin leather helmet and little to know padding when playing.  My grandfather was the definition of a "Man's Man").  When my uncle was born, the only son, my grandfather was over the moon!   He didn't discipline his cherished son, and even at a very early age, my uncle was a little monster.  After my grandmother died, my uncle, only 10 or 11 years my senior, was passed around to his older sisters.   The monster was soon hated by the husbands of his sisters, because he played cruel jokes, tortured pet kittens and puppies, bullied, his only slightly younger nieces and nephews.   My uncle's, brothers-in-law were soon reduced to incredible rages, which always led to cursing the little monster to his face.  The little monster uncle had to move, or meet his doom at the hands of an enraged brother-in-law.  For me it was a simple case of life imitating Russian Roulette.  Three sisters, and eventually my family would get the little monster hurled our way at the velocity of an 88mm Howitzer slug.   Remember I said my grandfather was a big man, well the little monster was really a big monster.  by the time he exploded my house he was 13 or 14, (I was 3-years-old).  He was already most of the way to his 6'3" height, and weighed nearly 300 pounds.   My oldest brother was 3 or 4 years younger than uncle monster.   Uncle monster made my oldest brother's life pretty rough at times, but he was popular and played sports.  My oldest brother had a way of escape most of the time.  My older brother was a little, skinny, shy thing, who'd either hide, or silently endure uncle monster's attentions.  For uncle monster my older brother wasn't any fun.  You know the story about the big bad wolf.  He huffed and puffed, but the first two little pigs escaped.  I'm little piggy #3, and unlike the story of wolf and three little pigs, this big bad wolf hit pay dirt with piggy #3.  I was the little pig which squealed all the time!  I was the fun piggy, I squealed when uncle monster merely looked my way.  I was uncle monster's favorite play thing.  I'd be sitting on the couch, or a chair in the den, quietly watching cartoons, and uncle monster would join me.   He always preferred to sit wherever I happened to be sitting.  He wouldn't throw me out of the chair, he'd simply sit on me.  I was 3 years-old and weighed, what 35 pounds, 45 at the most.  He put all of his nearly 300 pound, 6'+ dead weight down on a little 3-year-old kid.  

Uncle monster should have written scripts for horror movies.  He didn't usually hit me, hitting me was too dangerous.  One hit from him could kill me.  He preferred to throw me in closets, and block the door; use a cinder block as a step so he could reach up and set me on the roof of the house.  One of his favorite games was to take me, open the basement door, and deposit me on the third step, before quickly closing the door.  The basement was unfinished and dark.  The lights were turned on by strings that hung down.  I was too little to reach the strings.  The basement was a terrifying place as it was.  With uncle monster the basement became a room in Hell.  I still don't know how he was able to explain the violence awaiting me in that dark basement.  He spun the story of a butcher; a huge fat man covered in blood, who loved to slowly cut up little boys, with an endless rack of cleavers, butcher knives, saws, long spikes, axes, and wavy bladed knives the butcher loved to use when cutting the little boy from between his legs all the way up to his chin.  I only have vivid memories of his stories, I remember nothing of the stories my mother claims she read to me when I was young.  I remember other bits of my early childhood, but I remember vividly my uncles tortures and torments (they were, actually, quite brilliant, when I look back at them now).   For all the fear, all the horror visited upon me by uncle monster, there is not even a little anger toward him.  Forgiving my uncle was easier than forgiving my dad.  It took years to forgive my dad.  No matter what uncle monster did it was nothing to what my dad did.

  

Uncle monster wasn't a stupid monster.  At first he wouldn't bother me too much when mom or dad were around, but that would change.  I don't know when exactly it happened, but the respite from uncle monster's tortures, my parents afforded me, didn't last long.   Whenever uncle monster tormented me I would cry out.  I would howl, scream, ball my head off.  One night, for some reason, uncle monster was tormenting me, even though mom and dad were both home.  He tormented, and I cried out.  Suddenly my dad's angry voice yelling stopped both my tormentor and my cries.  He'd shouted my name...."LONNIE!" he bellowed angrily.   Then he bellowed again, "LONNIE!...WOULD YOU SHUT UP!"  

Dad knew what my uncle was doing.  Both dad's brothers-in-law had given mom and dad detailed reports of the bullying and cruelty their children had suffered at the hands of uncle monster.  Dad knew my uncle had tortured animals to death.  Dad knew his oldest son avoided our home as much as he could.  Dad knew exactly what uncle monster was doing, and despite all of his knowledge he sought only to silence the cries of his tormented youngest son.   Dad might just as well have handed me physically over to my tormentor.

   

Do you know what I feel when I see Christians having stupid, pointless, empty arguments about the Bible?  I feel like my heavenly father is handing me over to a new and worse uncle monster.   Honestly what do any of you care about the Bible?   What difference does it make if it's all truth, or if it's all lies?   You aren't going to  do what Jesus teaches anyway.  If you were doing what Jesus taught you'd have nothing to argue about!!!   Jesus tells us how to know the truth:

IF YOU BELIEVE IN ME, THEN KEEP; LIVE; DO; PUT INTO PRACTICE ALL THAT I TEACH!!   DOING WHAT I TEACH MAKES YOU MY TRUE DISCIPLE, AND AS YOU ARE MORE AND MORE MY DISCIPLE YOU WILL KNOW THE TRUTH AND THAT TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE.

 
Don't blame the liberals, the atheists, the homosexual, the pro-choice, don't blame anyone else.  The only threat there is against the truth of God's word is the Church's disobedience.   Do you know why God has called me, an ex-queer to minister to HIS Church???   Because the screwed up, sick, gross way I behaved with other boys is exactly the same kind of screwed up, sick, and gross way you Christians act toward God!!!!  If you were doing what Christ taught you'd have no fear at all of any atheist, or Scripture twisting liberal.  God told you his word cannot fail.
 

So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
It shall not return to Me void,
But it shall accomplish what I please,
And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.

But obviously God didn't know what he was talking about, because here we are combating people who don't believe the Bible the way "WE" believe the Bible.  You really want to cure your problem with the Bible?? 

"Go!" to the naked and clothe them; "Go" to the hooker and cry out to God on her behalf; "Go!" to the homosexual and offer the love of Christ and offer the right kind of relationship; "Go!" feed a hungry person; "Go!" visit the old and alone; "Go!" and obey Christ's teaching, and you'll never worry about the liberals and atheists.   When people see you act like Christ instead of a religious "uncle monsters", then Christ will be honored and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

  You will laugh at the liberals and atheists, and they won't have anything to say about you, because you won't stop helping and blessing people to waste any time arguing with them.  They will see your good works, and be silenced.  I would know about that, because I was an atheist and a Christian showed me the forgiveness of God after I'd treated them exactly the way uncle monster treated me.  I didn't come to Christ through one of you arguing, politicking, law making, Bible thumping, self-appointed morality police, and you never could have brought me to Christ.  I came to Christ because one Christian didn't act like any of you.  The God I was introduced to, showed me, the truth of His word by showing me obedience is the way to know him, and the truth in the Bible.   When God frees you, you are free indeed, but freedom doesn't from hijacking Genesis, because the big bad evolutionists need to learn the truth.  If you knew the truth, you'd obey Jesus, and not waste pearls on pigs. 

Seriously God...wasn't one uncle monster enough?  Please God don't throw me to the Christians.  Throw me to the hookers, drunks, and crackheads, at least they're honest about their natures.  God please remember what my human dad told me when I confronted him with his parental neglect..."Honey, I didn't know what to do."  And remember what Christians have said to me over and over again, when I ask them why they don't/won't reach out to LGBT people,  "We don't know what to do."  Honestly Father, do you think these Christians are any different than the human father who made the same excuse??  My dad didn't care, and neither do they, so please don't throw me to these religious "uncle monsters".  Been there, done that, HATED IT!!

THE WORST THING ABOUT THE BIBLE

Is Those Who Read It

 

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,"

Quite the tempest in a teapot over the Bible, here on Xanga.  Is the Holy Bible fraught with discrepancies, inaccuracies, and historical errors?  I don't think that is the right question to ask, at least not the first question I believe we should ask.  Are there discrepancies, inaccuracies, and errors in the humans who wrote the books of the Bible, and are there the same problems with the readers of the Bible?   NOW that is where we should begin.  I had a completely different post prepared, but I received a message from a long time reader, and this was the first line:  "I am surprised to see you supporting an argument against the historical truth of the bible..."

What follows is my response.  I have cleaned it up a bit, and added a bit, for clarification, but this is my response...

I am not arguing against the historicity of the Bible. I am arguing against the misuse and abuse of the Bible, by people who have hijacked Genesis to fit their own human agendas. Genesis was never intended to help a materialistic culture's religious people to fight against evolution. And further abuse God and the Scripture in Genesis by making a groups religious beliefs a litmus test for whether a person is in the "truth". 

Every Ancient Near Eastern people group had a creation story. One said the universe sprang from the blood of a slain god. One story said the universe sprang from the ejaculate of a masturbating god.  God, the only true God, gave Genesis to explain how he created the world as an extension of his temple; his back yard; garden; paradise. The creator God created the universe for his glory and pleasure.  The king's back yard, garden, or paradise, as it was often known, belonged to the king, and was set aside for the exclusive use of the king and those he allowed in his paradise.    God, His Most Majestic Royal Highness, he, in his incredible magnanimity, gracious goodness, and unbelievable kindness deigned; condescended; bowed low, to share this garden; paradise with humankind.  Genesis is the story of how an incredibly loving, stupendously gracious God is betrayed by his creation: humans. When God had created man he said, "Man is good"; complete; lacking nothing; the mirror of God."  Man utterly twisted and destroyed all that was good in himself, and God condemned his own abode; garden; paradise and every living creature... because of man. But in the first sacrifice of Noah, God smelled the burning animal, and he decided, that though man only ever thinks about and does evil continually, he would not destroy his back yard; garden; paradise again, on account of man. God would send a sacrifice which would absolutely blot out the sins of mankind from God's sight, smell, hearing, even from his very memory!

So if you are asking me if I believe in the Genesis which tells God's incredible beginning to the "Story", then I say, "YES!!!" I believe God created the universe and the world, and he created all his creatures, most especially man, to enjoy his beautiful abode; his private (KING'S ONLY ALLOWED!!!) paradise; garden, in an intimate family with him.

If you want me to uphold the standards of a materialistic culture that has to make Genesis into a litmus test for "true" believers, and a proof text against evolution then "NO". God is not a man that he may be manipulate and made to do what religious materialists want. The Scriptures belong to God, and he will avenge himself on all those who twist and abuse his beautiful creation story, and who force his Scriptures to become tools in a culture war he did not start and that he does not sanction.

You know the problem with Christians and homosexuality? The Church has the same problem in her relationship with God that the homosexuals have in their relationships with those of their same sex. One group of homosexuals does it with people of their own sex, while the other abuse God and his Holy Scriptures.

What Jesus said will come back to judge both the liberals and the conservatives.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

"Not so Jesus, we shall be known as those who reject any who do not believe what we say about Genesis. We will be known by our condemnation of others, most especially those who disagree with our version of Christianity.

Jesus says:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

"for everyone born of God overcomes the world."

Jesus came to overcome the world, and to create a Church through which he would overcome the world, but all the Church today can do is condemn or just swallow the worthless filth the world foolishly calls "wealth".

I'm sorry I'm not a member of the "If you don't believe like I do then you're not a real believer" Club. I know the creative and overcoming power of God in Christ, and I'm free because of it.  God created the universe, God created man in his image and likeness. Genesis belongs to God, and he never intended Genesis to become a proof text for prideful religious flesh to fight against prideful atheist flesh.  God wasn't kidding when he told us, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, and my ways are not your ways." God wasn't kidding when he explained to us, "The weapons of your warfare are not carnal..."

Funny, the way Christians use Genesis all God can possibly think about us is the weapons of the Church's warfare are carnal, and only carnal.   

I believe God gave us the Bible to lead us to himself.  God gave us Genesis to show us truths which transcend the material facts.  

  

But as it is written:

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of man
The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

 

Ha Ha Ha, God that's rich!  What a joker you are!!  I know lots of Christians who know the truth when they see it, and know the truth that they trumpet for any and every ear to here, and their hearts are filled with the knowledge that God is in their religious box.  God you've been figured out, so don't you think it's really time to update that old Bible of yours??