"Every man has his own destiny: the only imperative is to follow it, to accept it, no matter where it leads him."
~ Henry Miller
. . .
GOD'S CALL
"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves."
What
I believe or you believe is of little real importance to God. God
tells us many things, "love, trust, obey, believe," but he never says
"figure me out." Somewhere at sometime some people decided the Bible
was what they said it was, and anyone who dared disagree would suffer
God's wrath. Funny Jesus taught that obedient people would know the
truth. James took that a step further, do or you are deceiving
yourself. I don't know where "obey" was replaced with "believe this
way, and only this way about the Bible." When I want to know the truth
of the Bible have no further to go than obedience. The Bible is true,
not merely because I've read it, but because of the times I've done what
I read. The guy God holds up as the "Father of Faith", Abraham, does
what God tells him to do, and when he has obeyed God he figures God
out. And here's the thing...Abraham had no written account; Abraham
had no Bible.
"By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises offered up his only begotten son, of whom it was said, “In Isaac your seed shall be called," concluding that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead, from which he also received him in a figurative sense."
It
took Abraham 3 days to get to the place God commanded him to take Issac
to sacrifice. In that time Abraham came to a startling conclusion,
"God is able to raise the dead." God hadn't told Abraham he could raise
the dead, Abraham figured it out, and that was part of God's intent for
commanding Abraham to sacrifice his son Issac. God also means to send
us, all of us, a message, "Want to figure God out, then simply obey."
Abraham didn't sit around trying to figure God out, he didn't stand up
shake his fist at God and yell, "You promised me, and now look what
you're doing," before he obeyed. Abraham did what God told him to do,
and when he obeyed he saw something about God, God had never revealed
before. Today people of faith sit around trying to figure God out, and
the end result isn't an understanding of God. There is a story about
comedic actor W. C. Fields, a notorious lush, womanizer, who was
completely irreverent, and irreligious. Someone saw Fields reading a
Bible. "What are you doing, Bill?" came the shocked and incredulous
query. Fields, nonchalantly flipping the Bible's pages, quipped,
"Looking for loopholes." People who want to believe the Bible without
doing what it says are looking for ways around God. God isn't in our
debt we are in his. Those who want to know God have only to do what God
says and God will lead them unfailingly to himself, and truth, which
makes them free.
Another
of Jesus of Nazareth's names is "Faithful and True". If a person is
born again, then that person is kind after Christ's kind. God is
conforming believers into the image and likeness of Christ. "Faithful
and True", are what truly born again people are being conformed to, so I
have little choice as regards the service God calls me to do with him.
That doesn't mean I have to like God's call, but I have no choice. I
know God will have his way with me. God never says I have to like it.
Submission is not agreement. Submission is doing something even when
you don't like it, want to do it, or agree with it 100%. I didn't like
the little "Word of Faith" church, (better known as the "health and
wealth gospel") I attended for 3.5 years. I don't believe in that
"name it claim it, blab it grab it," nonsense, and 3 1/2 years did
nothing to make my heart grow fonder of "Word of Faith" theology.
Through all of that I remained faithful in my service in that church.
How could I do such a thing knowing parts of their theology were so
completely wrong? It was only the teachings specific to "Word of
Faith" theology which were the problem. My Rheme Bible College trained
pastor, when he wasn't teaching WoF (Word of Faith) nonsense had a
pretty good handle on the Bible's great lessons. I submitted knowing I
could never agree with large chunks of the theology, and that is what
submission is all about. Submission is something every believer is
called to do. God didn't call me to attend services at the local
Jehovah's Witness's Kingdom Hall. God didn't push me toward the Mormon
temple.
When
I kick God's call to the curb my reasons are real reasons...okay, most
of the time...sometimes I don't like it and I've got no reason. Most of
the time I have really very valid reasons for balking at what God has
called me to do. As I explain in my post, "Why I hate God's call on my
life",
I had an uncle monster, and instead of protecting me from uncle
monster, my human dad all but handed me over to my tormentor. I have
valid reasons to be very afraid of Christians. I don't function at all
when I'm trapped in situations which mirror that anvil (uncle monster)
and the hammer (my dad). I can only sit there and take the beating.
That probably isn't a very good analogy, because someone will say
something like, "God is just beating you into something useful."
Um...God isn't responsible for my dad's or my uncle's behavior toward
me. God doesn't promise everything that happens to us will be good.
I've already received plenty of bad from fellow Christians.
As
an adult I asked my dad why he didn't step up to help me as a child. I
didn't bring up uncle monster, I thought that might be too much for
dad. I told him I used to sit just outside their bedroom door, where I
could sit unseen and watch The Tonight Show. I was in most danger when
the television went off, so I tried to slip away before that time. On
many occasions the television went off before I could escape, and I'd
have to sit silently, for quite awhile before I could slowly slip off
to my bedroom. Without the cover of the televisions noise I had to move
very carefully. It was during those times I had to sit silently my
mother would try to have discussions with my father. To mom's credit
she tried, faithfully and tirelessly, to discuss my troubles with dad.
She'd say things like, "Sam, I wish you would take some time with
Lonnie. He is having a really hard time..." Dad, was also faithful
and tireless in his responses, "Aww! Lonnie's just fine, leave him
alone, there is nothing wrong with him." Dad, to his credit, remembered
having some of those conversations...Mom begged, and dad refused, I
don't know how many times, for many years, and he now knew I had
overheard many of those conversations. With all of the back story out
of the way I asked dad a question, "Dad, why didn't you listen to mom
and reach out to help me?" I wasn't angry, I wasn't accusing, and I
wasn't being judgmental. I knew God had given me forgiveness for my
dad, and I simply wanted to give him a chance to discuss it now that I
didn't need his help. He said, "Honey, I didn't know what to do." I
wasn't blown away, shocked, or angry. I had known for years my dad
didn't care about me; didn't care about anyone of us. The most freeing
thing God could do was to show me that my dad didn't care about anyone
else but himself, long before I was born. I was free and I knew it,
and I knew without any doubt at all that my dad had never cared anything
about me.
My
dad was a very intelligent man. He knew a lot about firearms, history,
pharmacology (he was a pharmacist), our family history, Dale Carnegie's
training based on his famous book, How To Win Friends and Influence People.
He took the Carnegie course 7 times. He wasn't at all interested in
winning friends he wanted influence over people. Dad would have taken
the course many more times, but the trainers/facilitators knew dad
wanted to manipulate and control people and started working to stop
him. What dad cared about he went to obsessive extremes to learn
everything he could. Dad had a massive library of porn, but not one
book, class, or even a conversation about how to parent. If dad didn't
know something he didn't care to know about it. All of this isn't
evidence of bitterness toward my dad. I say all of this to now say,
"For the last 22 years, all of my Christian walk I've asked Christians
over and over again, "Why doesn't anyone in the Church ever reach out to
sexually/relationally broken people." I knew the answer to the
question, before ever asking the first Christian. I started asking
Christians why they wouldn't reach out to sexually/relationally broken
people, because I already knew the answer. I'd already lived the answer
in my own life with my own dad. And I didn't simply ask Christians
why they didn't reach sexually/relationally broken I asked very
specifically, "Why don't Christians reach out to LGBT people?" For 22
years I heard the same exact excuse my dad gave me for not reaching out
to me, as my father. I started asking Christians, not for my
information, but so Christians incriminated themselves before their
heavenly Father. It was utterly and completely reprehensible that my
human dad had neglected all of his family. It was worse that he had
handed his youngest son over to a cruel teenager, and the only thing he
cared about was that the screams for help from his youngest son were
disturbing his evening's television viewing. Do you think God will
hold believers any less responsible for their excuses?
I
have always known the call of God on my life. I never knew all the
details, but I knew I wasn't going to like it, and I've kicked against
it. I knew God was calling me to serve the Church. I don't mean the
call was to serve "in" the Church, but to serve the Church, in a very
specific way. I'll get to that in due time. My defense has always been
the same defense... Get Christians to answer one simple question:
"WHY WON'T YOU REACH OUT TO LGBT PEOPLE WITH THE FREEDOM OF CHRIST?"
I
have always known the answer I would receive. I knew because I've seen
the same kind of disinterest and coldness in Christians I saw in my
dad. "The problem homosexuals have is they need to make different
choices." I knew the Christian argument from late night after the TV
went off. "Aww! There is nothing wrong with Lonnie, leave him alone,
he's fine." There is no real problem, you just think there is a
problem. Of course neither my dad nor any Christians I've known took
the time to look into what they were denying. Dad never once asked me
if I needed help, and I've never met a Christian who ever asked me that
question when they learned about my past in homosexuality. The
greatest evidence that Christians have not and will not take the time to
investigate their accusations, that LGBT people have nothing harder to
face than a choice, is their confession: "We don't know what to do."
Knowing what to do would have taken, at least, some steps to investigate
the claims of LGBT people. "You don't know what to do, because if you
spend time considering homosexuality, it is only to make useless and
baseless assumptions and accusations.
Some
of you have spent thousands of dollars, years and years to understand
your theological and historical approach to what you believe. Many of
you have spent thousands of hours and dollars to learn about and
disseminate knowledge about Christian America and why America should
turned back to Christ. You have poured your hearts into all that is
near and dear to your hearts, and many of you have told me how near and
dear I am to your hearts. You and many others have spent a lot of time
understanding and defending the Bible's condemnation of homosexuality,
but you have spent no time, EVER, learning to understand the road to
freedom which leads to the this verse in 1 Corinthians 6...
"...and such were some of you..."
Oh! you were happy God had done it in my life, and you were happy I
was doing something about it!! Even when I've been harsh and profane,
in the past, some of you almost went overboard to slap me on the back
with the hardiest, "ATA BOY LONNIE!! GET THOSE GAY AND GAY LOVING
CHRIST HATERS!! At first I thought, "Maybe I could make a difference
here, with what I know, maybe they'll listen and go into action." That
hope didn't last long. So I kept writing and y'all kept cheering me on
(There were a few of you who stood up to me at times, and many stopped
coming around because they knew something wasn't right, though they
couldn't have known what it was). But I knew something none of you
ever considered: You liked me, some of you loved me, as a Christian,
but if you had known me before Jesus Christ you'd have nothing to do
with me. You liked me because I upheld your beliefs, and fought against
those bad old gays. You'd never have liked me if you'd thought I
wasn't what you wanted me to be. What you didn't know, but what I have
always known is: Every time you cheered me on, you were condemning
yourselves. I may not be standing in front of God while he's judging
you on judgment day, but all the words of support you tossed my way were
going to bite you square in the butt, when you faced Christ's judgment.
I knew I was also in for some judgment for some of it, but I was
pretty sure I'd be better off than any of you. See all that support so
many of you gave begs the question, "If God has done such a great job
with Lonnie, wouldn't he do it for people who had been like Lonnie???"
You could approve of me, as a Christian, but Christ died for me before I
ever came to him. God, on the grounds of Christ's shed blood, on
Calvary had every reason and right to pursue me until he caught me.
All of you pursue me because of what I am now, but you would never,
like Christ, pursue me and draw me into loving relationship. When you
get Lonnie, you get what God will do in all those bad old gay people.
Get Christ into them and you'll like them just fine. When you praise
what God has done, but you yourselves will not lift a finger to help,
you are guilty of disobedience to Christ. Because God did good to me,
he killed his enemy, me, and recreated in me, his friend and son. What I
am, all of those LGBT persons are when God kills his enemy by making
him/her his friend. It excites me when I meet a hooker, atheist, gay
person. I know God has a plan and a purpose to be their friend. I
don't know how he wants to do that, and I don't have too. I simply
approach them relationally, "Hey, how are you today?" There is always
something I see in or on every person I meet. I can kick off a
conversation on something I notice about or on a person. Once I have
made a relational approach the desire to continue building that
relationship grows with each moment I learn about that person. Early
in my walk with Christ, every halfway good looking guy became an object
of lust. God taught me to approach and begin the process of relating.
When I speak to a person that is a relational or relating act. Once
I've begun to relate then the desire to relate to the person overcomes
the lust to use that person for sex. God's overcoming power is in
relationship, and as I relate that power to draw that person into
relationship becomes stronger and stronger. The more I grow to care
about a person the less I lust. When I begin relating, sex can't
compare to the power of the desire to befriend and then want to see that
person become an eternal member of the family. When I'm filled with
the desperation of God's love and desire for relationship, LOOK OUT
WORLD...YOU ARE GOING UP ON THE CROSS WITH CHRIST AND COMING UP A NEW
AND ETERNAL LIFE!!!! I start relating and God can do anything he wants,
and often does. Talking to people gives me all the ammunition to pray
for them later, and sometimes I run into them time and time again.
When
I was a kid, visiting family in Tennessee, in the Summer, we'd catch
June Bugs, tie a string around one of their back legs and they'd fly in a
circle because they're tethered to the thread. I could let out the
thread or take in the thread to bring the bug in closer, and it would
fly faster and closer until I'd pulled the bug back into my hand.
Sometimes it's like God ties a string to me, and onto the leg of some
lost person, and then he just pulls the string in tighter and tighter
until he brings them in through me. God is so in love with hurting and
lost people, and he loves flying them right into Christ. See, when
you obey Christ it's almost impossible not to draw people in. Of course
if you are fighting God's call the process begins breaking down. And
when you want to show God he shouldn't call you, because Christians
won't ever do what he wants them to do no matter what he has
accomplished in and through me. Then I start setting Christians up so
they cannot fail to bring judgment on their own heads. I don't want to
bring destruction to Christians, but I've always wanted a reason to keep
them away from me. Hey, you don't want to be around me anyway. All
Christians want from me is to give them a place to send those gay people
who bother them. Christians don't care if I kick their butts or draw
them toward Christ as long as Christians don't have to get their hands
dirty on "those" people. Christians like it when "those" people come to
Christ, but not because of love. Christians simply don't want to deal
with those people, just like my dad didn't want to have to deal with me.
So what is Lonnie's call exactly???
WHAT
IS THE REAL DEAL I'VE BEEN TRYING TO ESCAPE?? HOW HAS GOD BEEN
PULLING ON THAT STRING TIED TO HIS FINGER AND MY LEG UNTIL I'M AT THE
DEAD CENTER OF HIS CALL??
